Trains

This is farthest from a poem as anything can ever be, but I like it so hic sumus (here we are).

1.           Jungle gyms in the dusty photo albums with light spots fighting to join              the memories,      
2.           The summer routine.
3.           Looking at the face of your 5-year-old companion as you leave everyone            behind, 
4.           only to discover the connected nature of love ever present.
5.           Fighting the hot capital to reach panchvati through sweat or blood.
6.           R-AC
7.           Being waitlisted to fly for the first time.
8.           The wait at the station where the tracks end to be reunited.
   
   
9.           Traveling to the unknown, to a new beginning, to knowledge, to be                      'inspired by life',
10.           scared but excited, new dreams in eyes.
11.           Those painful journeys back after precious hours spent with your core                group,
12.           Regular helpless humiliation in front of strangers as a brother extracts              his right.
13.           Clawing at the meaning of life on the door gushing past an ancient                      civilization,
14.           Socializing on the train and meeting unexpected friends,
15.           College escape to paradise.
    
    
16.           Trains have been there as life changed over the decades into something               that is hard to recognize,
17.           Being inspired to write for posterity on a ride through a thousand                        waterfalls,  
18.           Riding by the Greek countryside to find monasteries in the sky.
19.           Letters to institutions thousands of miles away, knocking on the doors              of a new world.
20.           Unplanned craziness with a partner in crime, 
21.           Finishing a thesis to become a bachelor.
22.           Reading through Kennedy's home, aspiring;
23.           Trains follow and sift through the maze of tracks
24.           The rail tracks run through my blood.

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Notes:

 1. Sometime in 1999 or 2000 the family visited my aunt stationed in Jammu. Pictures claim that we decided the supports to secure the middle berths in the coupe are going to be our jungle gyms. memories captured on film have started becoming one with the light spots as exposure to light damages these old photographs.

2. Almost every childhood summer after 2001 was spent with the grandparents in Dehradun which involved, them coming down to Mumbai before the schools closed, and then the four of us undertaking a 1700 km journey.

3. The first time we traveled with them, the train was at the station with only a 2-minute scheduled stop. My brother and I were the first ones to be loaded on the train, followed by some bags as the train left the station. We stood there looking at each other as the platform slipped away with our frantic parents trying to sign some message through the window pane. After what seemed like an eternity but in all likelihood was only a few minutes the connected coaches delivered our grandfather to our audible relief.

5. These trips would require a transit through the hot mess that was New Delhi. One summer when it was only the siblings with their grandmom the younger one started bleeding through the nose to make things a little more interesting.

6. Reservation against cancellation. When you get the distintive honor to sit on a berth but not sleep

7. Parents and the children were scheduled to visit Dehradun but our waitlisted tickets had other plans. Hope is a powerful thing, we were at the platform counting on a last minute miracle. We saw the Golden temple (train) come and leave the station without us. The children were woken up in the middle of that night to be told we were flying there instead. That is how we ended up on a Japan-bound Airindia flight that had a stopover in Delhi. The sibling's first flight. 

8. We would eagerly wait at the Dehradun railway station for the always-late train to pull in and bring with it our parents at the end of the summer, here to take us back home after two carefree months. P.S. railway tracks end at the Dehradun station.

10. College was a 15-hour train ride away from home. Manipal's words are 'inspired by life'.

12. It was always fun to come home on the occasional long weekend, but going back was equally hard

13. For some reason, the sibling enjoyed shouting random made up advice when he came to see me off at the station. Much to the amusement of a train filled with students headed to Manipal, I was advised to try to pass as 5 years of failing exams was enough. It did not matter that I was one of the top students I had to sit with them for the next 15 hours, that was the ballgame. 

14. I have had many good existential conversations with the parents as we stood at the doors of the train as it rushed through the countryside.

16. I discovered Gokarna on a trip with some of the best college friends 

19. Reference to the scenic Konkan route between Manipal and Mumbai where I wrote my first published blog, as well as the nature of life 

20. The train journey from Athens to Meteora in Greece with new friends was fun,  exploring centuries-old monasteries in the skies that preserved the Hellenic culture was a highlight of that summer.

21. Tweaking statements-of-purpose on a train journey as I knocked on the doors of eminent universities to master computer science.

22. I had to go to Manipal to defend my bachelor's thesis based on the work that I did at IISc to earn my (bachelor of technology) degree. Just hours before the train journey was about to commence the awesome mother and I decide that she should come along and make this a trip to remember adding to our last-minute-we-live-only-once-lets-do-this shenanigans. 

24. Commuting through the heart of Boston while working at Samsung Research America gives you enough time to dig into a book, to grow, to let the Kennedy-touch rub on 

26. Ode to my paternal grandfather who worked with the Indian Railways.

The voices in your head

It is just you and me now
Don't you enjoy this eerie silence, this eternal stillness
I have been with you all along
through the secrets, though the heartache
I was there when the end was so near that you could taste it,
I was here when it all slipped away
I have seen your struggle, I have seen your desperation,
I have seen your deceit
There are no curtains here only shadows

But you did not come this far to only come this far
Nobody's life is perfect,
You just need a magnification glass to see the flows and the ebbs,
you may project strength to the world, but you cannot hide from me
You know you have gotten so far only because of providence
But was it really a cosmic power pulling the strings?
Was it good karma? Was it pious souls praying for your success?
Or was it all of the above and none of it?

We have a long way to go
As the cars jam the freeway and people jam the trains
as a new dawn ominously approaches,
the day beckons - come make of me what you will!
It is just you and me now
That's how it has always been.

We know the way!

A smart guy once said that Presidential elections are won and lost on one square foot of real estate, up here - Leo McGarry on the West Wing 

 You must have heard that our actions are manifestations of our thoughts. I sometimes think that we have all been cursed like Cassandra, our rational selves know what course of action is the best for us, how hard work and perseverance can lead to success; however we rarely end up listening to that voice in our heads.

One of those beliefs is the power of believing that you will achieve your goals. This little gem has been codified in multiple ways, whether you call it 'the power of positive thinking' or 'the secret', all of these boil down to a simple fundamental truth. You can achieve your dreams only when you are truly convinced that, in spite of how bad it may look right now, you will eventually reach your goals.

This stratagem is what Steve Jobs stretched to the limits, much to the bewilderment of his co-workers who ended up labelling it to be 'reality distortion'. The reality distortion field was how Steve perceived the real world, I am sure he was not even aware that he was bending the truth and conflating facts with fiction just to ensure that reality conferred with the picture of the future that he had painted in his head, and if it did not it was time to change that particular reality. That is how you create the future.

The reality distortion field was a confounding melange of a charismatic rhetorical style, an indomitable will, and an eagerness to bend any fact to fit the purpose at hand. If one line of argument failed to persuade, he would deftly switch to another. Sometimes, he would throw you off balance by suddenly adopting your position as his own, without acknowledging that he ever thought differently. - Andy Hertzfeld

More than anyone else you need to believe in yourself, you need to trust that you have it in you to realise those dreams. No one is genetically programmed for success, if you work hard enough you can master any skill (yes even math), the world is your oyster. This is a hard fact to digest for some of us, because it entails that the only thing standing between us and our goals, is us. 

But once you internalize it this can be a very powerful tool in your toolbox. If we believe that we can achieve something we start acting like the person who can and, subconsciously, slowly we become the person who can. 

Only when you are dead sure you will reach the goal do you have the audacity to take the risks that you need to take. Only then will you make the investments that you need to make. Only then will you dedicate the insane amount of time that it takes (no one has the time to put in all it takes at the same time create a safetynet). Only then will you commit to it.  All it takes is a leap of faith, in yourself.

Happy Birthday Dr brother, may all your dreams come true!

On intellectualism and the case for lifelong learning

I am increasingly understanding why those who achieve things worth achieving are termed as 'misfits' and related terms like 'people-ahead-of-their-times'. It is because unlike what one would hope for, people in general do not spend their time tending to their intellectual growth. The very mediums that were intended to help us relax and unwind at the end of the day have increasingly become the tools that are stopping us from achieving our potential. As I interact with people and observe macro trends across the globe, I observe that rather than having stimulating discussions on historical figures and the roles they played in getting us where we are today, critically examining business ideas that sprung out of conversation and examining why or why not would they be a success, stressing our memory and summoning our (limited) knowledge of the basic sciences to understand the science behind some natural phenomena and racing each other to the solution, deriving pride from where we are as a civilization and the things humanity has achieved and placing our bets on the ever optimistic future. Rather than discussing how much work still needs to be done, how we still live in a society that has unfathomable amounts of inequality not only of resources but more importantly of opportunities, story boarding possible solutions. We are busy with gossip.

The majority of dinner tables are discussing the beauty, skin tone and possible hook ups of their beloved actors. When scientific curiosity is not encouraged from a young age, I find it highly improbable that today's youngsters will be able to develop it when they grow up. And soon enough science would induce the terror of equations and memorization rather than the deep sense of wonderment that it is meant to encourage. 

When we practise racisim and sexisim on a daily basis with and in front of our children how can we expect them to grown up to be ideal world citizens? Aren't we failing an entire generation as a society?

Unfortunately too many of us do not realise the importance of having the right kind of conversations and encouraging our interlocutors to grow. Now don't get me wrong I am not painting all art as evil. On the contrary art is one of the things that makes life worth living. Entertainment and relaxation are as important as the main goal itself; my only caveat is that why cannot the art and entertainment we consume be one that helps us expand our mental horizons both intellectually and culturally rather than reinforce dogmatic ideals that have no place in this century.

Why are we bent on painting intellectualism and the thirst for knowledge as  elitist pursuits for the snobby, liberal, out-of-touch people? Why not embrace it as a way of life? Understand that our entire life is a learning experience the more we learn the more we grow the more we understand ourselves and our fellow inhabitants of our planet the happier we will be. Is it the fear of failure? The fear that we will look stupid attempting to learn something that we don't know? Well guess what silly, no one knows anything either. Everyone is a co-passenger on this journey of learning. Some people may be ahead of you in a particular dimension, but I guarantee that you are ahead of them in another. Learning does not have to be a lonely process, seek the help of those that are ahead of you and help all those that you can. Doing that multiplies the joy of learning and indeed the joy of life. 

Read, Travel, Assimilate, Discuss, Argue, Challenge your beliefs, Introspect, Shatter the false walls of your minds, Grow, Help, Be happy. 

Success is easy

Success is easy if you have the right people supporting you. Listening to your everyday struggles and encouraging you to go further, When you surround yourself with people who are not afraid to give you a piece of their mind, of pointing out your flaws. And when you are happy to take them in your stride and work to overcome them. Selective humility is a virtue of the successful.

Success is easy if you are being kicked all over the field by your boss/coach/research guide. It means they have not given up on you. They have hope. They see something in you which perhaps you yourself don’t. They know you have not tapped into your inner potential just yet.

Success is easy when you have role models around you. When you hear people making it based on just their grit and conviction. Success is easy when you believe in a version of the American Dream. When you believe that hardwork is the only thing you need to reach your goals. When you believe that the world is conspiring to extend very opportunity to you, you just need to extend your hands to grasp them.

"Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to ye"

Success is easy when you believe in yourself. When you have a somewhat pseudo assurance, a trust in your abilities, in face of evidence to the contrary, that you are meant for greatness. When you have what some may call a false arrogance, because if you have that, you will not settle for anything less. You will not take the easy path, you will not shy away from challenges.

Success is easy when you have professionalism, it is easy when you consistently choose to do the right thing even when and especially when no one is watching; things have a funny way of compounding, if you play by the rules, help everyone that you can on the way, not be haughty, and respect people around you, all of that comes back to you in ways you cannot even imagine.  

Success is easy when you celebrate the little things, the mini achievements. When you cultivate a culture where minor steps in the correct direction are applauded. That creates a virtuous cycle. Who amongst us is not hungry for fame and recognition and appreciation. When you positively reinforce minor success you and people around you will work towards the next goal with a renewed zeal, secretly craving for that appreciation.

Success is not easy, it is hard work, it is sleepless nights, it is failing multiple times, it is losing the trust in yourself and finding it again,  it is getting up, dusting yourself and getting back in the saddle, it is not giving up when everyone around you is, it is not settling for the ordinary.

In the end, that is what makes life worth living.

Faith (a.k.a how to get into a top 10 university)

Most of us find ourselves too often backed up against a corner, contemplating what are we doing with our lives. Whether our actions and choices have truly been our own, or are they just providence. Are things what they seem to be, or is it just our filter bubble showing us things the way we want to see them. I know this feeling of self doubt where you are unsure of everything. I have been there many times, too many times in the past couple of months than I care for. Today I am here to tell you that things have a funny way of working themselves out. If you keep your head down and focus on your work at the same time have compassion for people around you, things do work out. Missing a few parties, working sincerely when slacking off seemed enticing, working on your research project when rest of the college was busy mugging up for the exams, is not too big a price to pay for ending up in a top 10 university (for AI) in the World. 

During one of my internships, one of my mentors who is now at JPL gave me a piece of advice that has really stuck with me: 

Do good work. Thats more important. Enjoy your time, but do good work. Great work.Very few manage to get good opportunities. Use it well.

Look at your mentors and the people you admire and firmly believe that you will get there too one day. It is only a function of your hard work. You will have that lifestyle, you will have that success both personal and professional, it is just a matter of time and faith. Faith in yourself, in your hard work and gratitude for the opportunities that you have been lucky enough to have. 

Gratitude and humility are very important traits to have. They make the journey a whole lot easier. Be humble and apologize when you screw up. Do good upon the world and that good will find its way back to you, karma is real. Trust people, as Randy Pausch put it 'if you wait long enough, people will surprise you'. If you are disappointed in someone, you have just not given them enough time.

You can't get there alone. Having an amazing support system in your family is an amazing asset to have. It is very important to have a space, it can be with family or friends, where you can discuss things without being judged. A space where you do not bring your pride and ego, a place where you listen to feedback instead of coming up with excuses for your shortcomings, a place where you identify your weakness and come up with ways to work on it. It is a difficult process. Whenever I spoke to one particular mentor of mine my self confidence would go for a toss, his feedback was brutal things were only compounded by the fact that he was out there achieving so much. But that is the kind of feedback which helped me the most. You will find hordes of people who will be willing to tell you how great you are, only a limited few will give you real actionable feedback. Treasure them.

Trust me, one day, and that day is not far away, you will look back at your journey, at your struggles, on all those occasions where you could have taken the easier way out, when almost everyone around you took the easier way out. You will look back and you will be proud. 

I am UMass Proud! 

How did I not know about this?

Mary Claire King visited the Indian Institute of Science as part of the 'Cell-TNQ India Distinguished Lectures Series' and her lecture just blew me away.

We start with a brief introduction of this amazing scientist who has literally changed the world in more ways than one. A Berkeley educated geneticist, King proved for the first time that humans and chimpanzees are 99% genetically identical, giving weight to the theory that the two species diverged only about 5 million years ago, a view that was not very popular at that time. She is responsible for discovering the BRCA 1 and the BRCA 2 genes and announcing to the world that cancers like breast and ovarian cancers can be hereditary. She is also known for her human rights initiatives. She joined the protesting grandmothers in Argentina, whose grandkids and kids had been taken from them by the regime and were forced to live with military families.  Her work in genetic forensics provided irrefutable evidence that has since helped thousands across the world.

Dr King at the JN Tata auditorium 

Now this is important: I am not a geneticist, my formal links with classroom biology were severed in high school, so inspite of King's wonderful talk the content that follows is my understanding of the talk, which may be inaccurate at several points.

Okay so here goes,

Breast and Ovarian cancer have been dubbed as the disease of the educated and the disease of the rich. We know for a fact that human females are the most evolved organisms to have roamed the face of this planet, unfortunately they seem to have become victims of their own advancement.

One might wonder why did evolution not take care of curing cancer, by natural selection for healthier indivisuals? The answer lies in the fact that both breast and ovarian cancers are post reproductive, thus escaping the scrutiny of evolution.

The risk of breast and ovarian cancer is directly proportional to the gap between the age women start menstruating and the age at which they have their first pregnancy. Who knew!

Menstruation starts when estrogen (the female hormone) hits a certain level in the body. Interestingly the production of estrogen in the body is related to the body mass index (BMI) (defined as the body mass divided by the square of the body height).

As families start to become more educated and are more well to do, young women are hitting the BMI threshold earlier (as they have access to better diets), therefore we see young women hitting puberty much earlier, the age has progressively lowered from 18 to 16 to now around 11.

At the same time women are making an active choice of putting their carriers first and choosing to start a family at a much later age.  Thus increasing the gap.

This phenomena is highly correlated with the how well to do the society in which they live are. In the past Europe and the US have been the primary victims of these cancers but as the developing world catches up to the developed world it inherits their problems too.

Studies show that the cases of breast cancer in Indian cities are growing at an exponential rate.

The graph looks like this, this is not the original graph just a py plot simulation 

If you are looking for an interesting read check out The race to clone BRCA1 in 'Science', which documents the fascinating story of discovering the gene.

Dr King's work shows that individuals who have a BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation are at a very high risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer. Infact these people have an 80% chance of developing these cancers over their lifetimes. 80%. Let that sink in.

Complex Structure of the BRCA1 RING domain and BARD1 RING domain
credit: By Emw - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=8763313

But my mother and grandmother did not have these issues!
It is not just the women!
BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 can be inherited from the paternal side too. Also men carrying these genes are predisposed to developing prostate cancer in their lifetimes. [The new England Journal reports that 15% of patients suffering from prostate cancer have a BRCA-2 mutation]

THE SOLUTION 

Knowing what we know how can we help ourselves? The answer is early testing for these genes. The BROCA gene panel can be used to conduct a simple sequencing which costs about $225. If the patient is a carrier of the either the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene then Dr King recommends a salpio oophorectomy around the age of 35-40 i.e. the surgical removal of the ovaries and fallopian tubes to lower the estrogen levels in the body. This will significantly reduce the risk of both breast and ovarian cancer. PARP inhibitors have also know to be helpful.

If there is one thing that you take away from this post let it be this: get yourself and your loved ones tested for the BRCA 1 and 2 genes. It is just $225 test which can change your life. 

"Every breast or ovarian cancer patient with a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation detected after diagnosis is a missed opportunity to prevent cancer. "

Thank you Dr King!

Update: 

Dr Priya Mathur, a PhD holder in Biochemistry & Molecular Genetics from the University of Chicago weighed in with the following advice:

My concern with advocating for BRCA testing for the general population is that it can lull people into a false sense of security. It is critical that those with a family history of BRCA-mutant cancers be tested because these mutations drive an aggressive form of hereditary cancer and steps can be taken to prevent it. However, the vast majority of breast cancer is sporadic, or non-hereditary, which means that even with a negative BRCA test result, a person carries the risk of developing sporadic breast cancer. Early detection via routine screening is the best way to improve outcomes, BRCA1/2 screening is not a substitute for routine mammography and self-screening.